One of the things that we noticed when we were going through Kaden's cancer battle, is that no matter how low we felt or how bleak the outlook, there was always something and most often someone that would show up to remind us that we were not alone. We would have random packages delivered to our home, neighbors show up to mow our lawn or bring us dinner, friends and family would come for a visit, and things would fall into place that were too coincidental to call them anything else but a blessing from above.
I have only had my diagnosis for 6 days now and I have already seen this show up for me.
"Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and will help us as we call upon Him for assistance. I believe that no concern of ours is too small or insignificant. The Lord is in the details of our life."- Thomas S. Monson
The Details...
October 30th
The day of my diagnosis. I had a couple of friends who were privy to the fact that I had a biopsy and that I was waiting for results. Some brought me dinner and dessert the day of my biopsy, while others would call, text and/or stop by to check in on me. They were just as anxious as I was to know about results. I really didn't know how to break the news so I chickened out and just sent a text with the most basic of information.
Within 1 hour of the text I had a friend show up at my house with 3 meals in hand! (I think that is the fastest response time I have ever seen in my life...ever!) She gave me a hug and came and visited for a while. She was the perfect person for me to talk to at that time. Her mom had just gone through breast cancer treatment and underwent a bilateral mastectomy at the beginning of October. She was able to give me a ton of reassuring information that I didn't know. We also figured out that I will have the same surgeon as her mom and will have the same plastic surgeon as well.
After my friend left, I had 2 more friends call to say, "We are taking you somewhere." We didn't have a plan as to the where, but just somewhere away. They came to pick me up around 4 pm. As we were leaving, my daughter Lauren looked at me and said, "Wow Mom! You have only known about this for 4 hours and have already had 3 friends show up! You have really good friends." I just looked at her and said, "I really do huh?!"
This reminded me of a quote by Henry B Erying that I had recently heard. He said, "The Lord protects his faithful servants against the temptation to be discouraged or afraid in ways fitted perfectly to their needs. Always, it seems to me, He sends the Holy Ghost and trusted friends."
"The Lord is in the details."
October 31st
I received a call from the office manager with "LDS Family Services" in American Fork. I had applied and interviewed for a job with them at the beginning of October. My kids are getting older and don't need me quite as much so I was looking for something part time to keep me from going out of my mind with boredom. It is a job that is perfectly suited for my previous work experience and my degree that I finished last year. They had called a couple of weeks prior to tell me that I had got the job, but that the start date was a little fuzzy at this point. (They are opening an additional office in Saratoga Springs as well, so they needed to do a little finagling with people, hours, and schedules.) She told me that she had some updates on the schedule. She apologetically told me that because of the Covid numbers rising, they have shut down the office until January and asked if I was willing to wait until then to actually start. I excitedly said, "Yes! That would totally work!" I explained my situation and that I was SO worried that she was going to call and say they needed me to start on Monday and I would have pass on the job! She laughed and said, "Well I was SO worried that you were going to say that you couldn't wait until January!" We decided that this was not just a coincidence and that this was a sign that I needed to be working there. I have since filled out my new hire paperwork and started the "on boarding" process. :)
"The Lord is in the details."
Nov. 1
November 1st was Fast Sunday. (For those not familiar with my faith, on the first Sunday of the month, we voluntarily refrain from eating or drinking for two consecutive meals for the purpose of drawing closer to the Lord and requesting His blessings. We also donate the money that we would have spent on those meals to the church's welfare program so that they can care for the sick and the needy.)
I had many people fasting and praying for blessings on my behalf. We asked people to specifically pray that the cancer hadn't or wouldn't spread to the lymph nodes. All day Sunday I could feel the love and prayers from people on my behalf. The funny thing was I was not anxious that day at all! Later on, my friend told me that as she was praying for me, she prayed that I would feel at peace.
"The Lord is in the details."
Nov 2
First thing on Monday morning Kaden called the oncologist to make an appointment. They were able to schedule me for this week because I was already an "existing patient." How would I already be an existing patient of an oncologist when I have never had cancer? I'm glad you asked...
At one of Kaden's chemo treatments, they decided to give Kaden a bag of iron since he was low. As they attached the bag to Kaden he said, "My wife would be so jealous of this right now!" The Dr. asked why and Kaden explained to him that I have been low on iron for years. The iron pills make me sick to my stomach so it is hard for me to take them. It also takes a long time to build up the iron stores in your system, and I end up quitting them before I see any result. The Dr. said, "Have her come in here! I will give her a bag!" I didn't take him up on his offer right away because I felt totally stupid. Who was I to take a chemo infusion chair from someone else all because a pill gave me a tummy ache?!
Finally, at one of Kaden's appointments the Dr. said, "You are coming in! I will personally walk with you up to the front desk and make sure you get an appointment!" So my appointment was made, my infusion was complete, and wha-la I am an existing patient! Something that seemed so silly to me at the time, was really a huge blessing later on!
"The Lord is in the details."
Also, I got a call from the cancer surgeon's office around 3:30 that day. They had a cancellation and I was able to get my appointment moved to Tuesday the 10th!
Nov 3
On Tuesday morning I got a call from a friend. She just happened to be at the plastic surgeons office who works with my cancer surgeon. She said she talked to the front desk lady and explained my situation. The front desk lady told her to have me call "right now" so I could get on the schedule. Apparently there are only certain times that he has reconstruction appointments. I called and was able to book an appointment for Tuesday the 10th at 3:30! The same day as my surgical consult with the cancer surgeon! If I had waited until my surgical consult to make the appointment, I may have had to wait another couple of weeks to get in. As it stands now, I should have a pretty good idea of what I am facing by the afternoon of the 10th!
"The Lord is in the details."
I had an appointment with my general practitioner for a prescription refill that had been scheduled for months. It just so happened it was 4 days after he had called me about my cancer diagnosis. He came in the room and asked me how I was doing mentally and how I was feeling physically. I told him that all in all I was doing good. Physically, I was in the best shape of my life, and had I not had his phone call on Friday I would say things are great! I told him that mentally I had been on a bit of a rollercoaster, but because I had the perspective of watching my husband go through a very rough and rare cancer, I was actually doing better than I had expected. Kaden's cancer had helped keep things in perspective.
I said, "The word that I keep getting caught up on is "invasive." I asked, "How in the world is it invasive? I am not sick and I didn't even feel a lump!" He reassured me and said, "Invasive is a word that is on all of the reports. Don't get stuck on that word. It doesn't mean that it has invaded your entire body, it just means that it got out of the duct and into the surrounding breast tissue." We talked a lot about how the treatments for breast cancer have changed. How breast cancer used to be a death sentence, but now we use words like "cure" even instead of "remission." We finished our conversation and he asked if I had any other questions. I said, "Can I get a copy of the pathology report?" We walked out to the printer together and I was sent on my way.
When I got out to my car, I scanned the report. About 3/4 down the way down it said:
FINAL DIAGNOSIS: Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. Grade 3 with comedo necrosis and micro calcifications.
I scanned to the next page and it said:
MICROSCOPIC EXAMINATION: Sections show ductal carcinoma with comedo necrosis and micro calcifications. Invasive malignancy is not seen.
I couldn't believe my eyes! It said "In SITU!" In situ means that it hadn't gotten out of the duct and it was not invasive!! I didn't want to jump to conclusions before I saw the Oncologist but that 4 letter word gave me so much hope!
I am not sure how my doctor missed the "in situ" part or how he interpreted the invasive malignancy is not seen part. Maybe he saw the "invasive malignancy" and didn't read the last line?? Or maybe it was just a bad game of telephone between Dorothy, Nikki the nurse, and the doctor? I choose to believe it was a miracle. Whatever the case I wasn't even mad at anyone! I was just grateful that this was not invasive!
I would have never found this out before my oncology appointment had I not had this refill appointment scheduled months before! It wasn't a huge deal, because I would have found out 2 days later at the oncologist, but I had two days of much less worry and way more hope!
"The Lord is in the details."
Nov 5th
I had my oncology appointment. Finally! Kaden and I checked in and were taken to the back where they check your vitals. As I was sitting in the chair, the nurse who works in the infusion center Danielle saw Kaden and came down the hall. She said, "What the heck?! Are you guys trying to get a two for one discount?" We laughed and said, "I know, it's CRAZY!" She said how she saw my name on the schedule and had to double check to make sure that it was actually me. She said how sorry she was and told us if we had any questions to feel free to call her anytime and that she was here for us. I cannot tell you how much we love our oncologist and all the people who work in his office! They are so genuine and caring. They know us by name and make us feel like part of the family every time we go!
Our oncologist came in to talk to us. We all lamented how this was such a weird situation! He started to explain every detail and show us scans and talk about the diagnosis. He confirmed that it was indeed Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. DCIS for short. (Kaden is pretty irritated about the misdiagnosis, but I am still not angry. People make mistakes. It would have been caught eventually, but he is not super happy about the extra pain and heartache. Our oncologist agreed with Kaden that it was a pretty cringy mistake to make, because they are two very different diagnosis' but we are moving onward and upward.)
He said that Ductal Carcinoma is a cancer that starts in the duct. They could tell it was still in the duct because of its "segmental pattern." Basically it outlined the duct. This is where they get the "in situ" part of the diagnosis. Being "in situ" or inside the duct was a very good sign. Barring any additional findings on my MRI scan next week, if this is the only cancer they find then I would be at a "stage 0." He said the cancer is sometimes referred to as "pre cancer." He said he doesn't think it's right for people to do that because it is malignant and is very real. Since it is grade 3 it would turn into very real invasive cancer if left alone. The treatment is also very real.
I will find out more on Tuesday after my appointment with the surgeon but my basic treatment options look like this:
1. Lumpectomy + 7-9 weeks of Radiation+ 5-10 years of Tamoxifen.
Or
2. Right Breast Mastectomy + 5-10 years of Tamoxifen
Or
3. Bi-lateral Mastectomy
I will need to choose one of these surgeries as my next step. The reason that I would need to use Tamoxifen for the next 5-10 years with options 1 and 2 is because my cancer is Estrogen and Progesterone receptor positive. Meaning it has proteins that bind to estrogen. Tamoxifen suppresses estrogen and helps the cancer not to come back in the remaining breast tissue.
DCIS has a 99% survival rate and he said it is a "surgical cure" so I should not have to have any chemo! (As long as the MRI or surgery doesn't reveal any surprises!)
Whew. That was a lot!
I am not sure where that leaves me. I really cannot make any decisions until I meet with the cancer surgeon and the plastic surgeon.
All I can do is keep reassuring myself that "the Lord is in the details" and something else will come to light just as it has previously. At the beginning of all of this, Kaden gave me a blessing. In the blessing it said that I needed to keep an eternal perspective and that I needed to "trust in the Lord." I know that he has not left me alone. He has sent friends to show up when and how I have needed them, helped with timing of employment, answered prayers of comfort, and placed me in previous situations that seemed innocuous at the time but are benefiting me now. He may not take away all my trials, but I can trust that he has a plan, he knows all, and that I will be ok!
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